Facing Her Fears

So much about our lives is determined in our first few years. We establish our favorite smells (the candle scents we will buy in the future), our least favorite foods (that we will avoid like the plague for the rest of our lives), and our fears…of course we establish our fears. It is somewhat frightening that we make so many lifelong decisions before we can possibly know the ramifications of those choices. I take a deep breath and wonder what my life would be like if I caught a whiff of incense as a child instead of chocolate chip cookies. Would I be fiddling with my incense burner now instead of lighting my hazelnut jarred candle. I look at a pile of sautéed mushrooms on top of a steak and think to myself… “I really wish I liked mushrooms.” When I see construction workers a couple of floors up on rickety rafters I still get a tense feeling in my chest. I can’t remember making these decisions, but I’m living with them.

I’ve seen my girls go through this as well. Emma is convinced that her one time consumption of scrambled eggs caused the eczema that appeared on her hands (eczema = eggs-Emma), so every time we get up late on Saturday morning and make breakfast she passes on the eggs, no matter what form (scrambled, fried, or omelet). I don’t see this changing anytime soon. Emma is serious about her choices. Emma is also our more reserved and careful child. Maya (the wild child) is up for anything as long as she’s totally decked out in a princess dress (complete with crown and high heels). Emma…not so much.

Two of Emma’s biggest fears are water and fireworks. We went to a water park last year and she totally freaked out and would not get in the water at all. She wouldn’t come to us when we called to her, she wouldn’t talk to us. She was in total freak out mode. We ended up leaving after about fifteen minutes (and twenty dollars). Emma has always been afraid of fireworks. Her first Fourth of July she spent the entire fireworks show in Grandma’s arms (who I might add stood in the hot garage with the door closed so Emma could still see the show through window and not hear the explosions). Last year she evacuated herself to the house and paced around nervously while crying uncontrollably. Emma is very strong-willed, if she doesn’t want to do something, she won’t.

Well, our plans this week included the water park on Tuesday and of course fireworks on the Fourth. I’m thinking to myself…great couple of days ahead. Emma had other plans though. At the ripe old age of four she decided it was time to face her fears. At the water park she went down the kiddie slide and swam the lazy river with me. Then yesterday, at the fireworks show, she sat on my lap and we discussed our favorite firework colors and predicted which color would be next. She covered her ears for a while, but never complained or whined. I was so proud!

After this wave of pride and happiness for Emma, I then had a somewhat depressing realization. As I sat there enjoying the fireworks with Emma sitting on my lap and leaning back against me, her little hands on top of mine, I realized that when it comes to cuddling up to Daddy there are probably more years behind us than ahead. My little girl is growing up.